Leaving D
We hate the idea of leaving D while we are between trips, but don’t have any choice. We’d like to reach out to anyone that’s done this before for any tips/advice for things that we can do to make the separation easier on him (and us)! We plan to leave letters, toys & treats for him with his caregivers to give him periodically while we are away. We thought about a calendar with stickers, but since we are not sure on a return date we are not sure if that will be a good idea.
Suggestions???
posted by The Stone's @ 7:51 AM
4 Comments
4 Comments:
Our son was 3 1/2 when we left after our bonding trip to come home and wait for our court date. We left him with some toys, a blanket we used and a photo album of pictures of our home, family and photos of us with him during the bonding period. I had labels in English and Russian on each photo. D is old enough he could look through the album on his own, we asked the care giver to look at it with Lukas due to his age. Our coordinator visited the baby house frequently and would visit with him and tell him we were coming back soon. The letters are a great idea. I understand your concern with the calendar if you don't know a court date yet. Maybe you could leave it with your coordinator and she could give it to him once she knows your court/return date.
We had to make 3 trips to adopt our almost 4 year old son. We had his caregivers at the Baby House tell him frequently that we were coming back and left toys, candy and photos. He had seen other children go through this and seemed to understand that we were coming back for him but we all cried each time.
Leaving photos of myself helped my guilt, and I hope, helped each of my children through the process. I also was advised to use the same phrase every day for about 3-4 days to explain and assure my child that I would be gone, but would return. I wish a speedy return for you.
Our translator told our son we had to go home to work so we could pay for the plane tickets. They just don't understand what is going on at the time and the timing of everything. We left a photo book with photos of our family and of our bonding time. We hoped that Maigul (the main caregiver) would remind him we would come for him, but you really just don't know. He was really angry when we came for our 2nd trip (for court). It's hard, there is no miracle answer. I think leaving pictures are a great idea, but leaving blankets, and such can be hard because they often get mixed into the orphanage laundry and get lost. Oh and our son would tell the caregivers he didn't want toys or clothes, he just wanted his Mama and Papa. There is just nothing to replace your absence. It gets better when you finally get custody though.
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